Thanks for the Feedback

"Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well Paperback"

by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen

Feedback can have a main purpose of being one of these things:

• Evaluation (You've got the job! You came second!)
• Coaching (To grow and improve, you can...)
• Appreciation (Compliment/encourage/motivate)

If you ask for feedback, expecting one type and receive another: friction!

If one type was meant (e.g. coaching) and another type was perceived (e.g. evaluation) then, woah friction!

Try to be clear about which type you want if requesting it

Discuss the purpose of the feedback if giving it (or receiving it)

Clarify what type of feedback they want before you prepare and deliver the feedback. Is it coaching, evaluation, or appreciation?

And be careful when coaching because all coaching includes some evaluation.

Feedback is based on:

• Data and interpretation
• They give the interpretation without the data. Eg a label without telling you why that label is applicable.

"Wrong" feedback may not be wrong: just different context, interpretation, culture, history, priority, implicit rules, values, definitions. So dig deeper don't reject outright.

Individual variations in mood/response to stimuli:

• Baseline
• Swing
• Sustain
• Recovery

General things:

Criticism is sometimes very specific. Compliments are often vague.

All advice is autobiographical

When lovers peer into each other's eyes they each see a person the other cannot.

"In HR we're not happy until you're not happy."

5 basic needs of Choice Theory (by William Glasser)

• Survival
• Love and belonging
• Power
• Autonomy
• Fun/entertainment

First: Understand.

Shift from "That's wrong!" to "Tell me more."